Shmegeggy!

Holy crap! Blogger dashboard says I hit the 100 post mark 9 posts ago. How the hell didn't I notice?

Well, there's one milestone I'll never get back. Guh.

So my Oklahoma trip is currently barreling down on me at warp 9.98 (which, for non-Star Trek Fundamentalist translates to "really fucking fast...yo.") and I've found myself securely in freak-out mode. This isn't actually a bad thing since I used to spend so much time in freak-out mode that I decided to purchase a small yet tasteful bungalow there and have recently begun contemplating the possibility of new curtains in the den.

This is fortunate because OKT (that's Oklahoma Trip for anyone who doesn't love abbreviating as much as I do) arrives at precicely the same time as the most massive emotional upheval to hit my life in approximately a decade. I won't say too much in the interest of maintaining my rule against simpering relationship posts. Suffice to say my relationship with boyshapedthing is chock-full of firsts, only a few of which it turns out I was marginally prepared for. That is all.

So between panic attacks and random heart implosions I've managed to locate a familiar area of zen in which my mind busies itself with random minutia in the hopes of avoiding pesky disturbances like reality. Here's a look inside my head:

Brain: Twilight is terrible.
Writer Monkey: But it has potential!
B: Who the fuck are you?
WM: I'm the part of you that comes up with stuff to write!
B: And you're awake before 3:00 am?
WM: It's after 4:00.
B: Oh, would you look at that...
WM: But seriously! Just imagine where Twilight could've gone! Like, forget sparkly vampires, what if exposure to sunlight made their skin transluscent so you could see a network of black veins all over their faces?
B: ...that's actually pretty cool. But you came up with that just so you could use "transluscent" in a sentence, didn't you?
WM: ...maybe. Have you given any though to the possible symbology behind the cactus?*
B: *shakes head saddly* Such a missed opportunity.

Okay the above actually stems from a challenge M leveled at me to rewrite Twilight so it doesn't suck. Which I'll probably do, because as long as I don't sell it it's still fanfiction and probably no one but M will ever read it. Ever. Which is sad.

But seriously, I am still pissed at Twilight for taking everything that is good about vampire mythos and weeing all over it. Why in Hell would vampires sparkle? It makes no sense! And no fangs? Come on, there have to be fangs! Even Dracula had fangs and he was a total twat!** Either give your vamps fangs, or be as awesome as Darren Shan so you can get away with it!

But back to my life. I'm seeing Matt again on Friday, which I think may see the return of my suede split-fronts. I haven't worn them in ages ever since my mum mentioned that they didn't work with my height, but I distinctly remember being drop-dead gorgeous in them and I've got the kind of legs you want to show off, so bugger that!



*For those of you intelligent enough to avoid Twilight altogether, in the beginning of the first book the protagonist (Miss Blandina O'Blandypants) dug up a small cactus from her mother's property in Arizona before moving to the Pacific Northwest to get rained on all the time. Stephanie Mayer made a big fuss about the cactus when Blandina dug it up, but as soon as the sparkle clan showed up she forgot all about it. As a symbolism enthusiast, this pissed me off.

**...alright I'm being mean. Dracula is actually awesome in theory but the Bram Stoker novel made me lose the will to live after Van Helsing showed up and I don't think I can forgive that.