Ladies and Gentlemen: Your Cast!

As promised, the cast list of my misadventures at This Job:

The Store Stock Players:

Aspiring Actor Lacking Work Ethic: Red-headed 21-year-old with a Captain America belt buckle and an aversion to doing his job.

Depressive-Depressive: Slow speaking high school student with a daily quota for suicidal/homicidal comments. Often expresses wishes to blow up the Earth. Has twice electrocuted himself.

Efficient Veteran: Bespectacled savior who works whenever school is out of session. The days when Veteran is away at college are the darkest days of my life.

Brudda-Brudda: Brother of Veteran, newest hire, very little is known of this employee.

DevilSpawn: Redheaded sixteen-year-old demon child, formerly the ice cream girl, currently the biggest pain in the ass ever to darken my shift. Aspiring Actor ignores his work, DevilSpawn resents hers, and will do anything, up to and including blatant refusal citing "hangover", to get out of doing it.

Kiddo: Current ice cream girl. Fifteen years old and carrying some odd form of hero admiration for me. Weird.

Lummox: Thick limbed employee currently doubling in the Deli section, notable as the only male on the Deli payrole. Has been at This Job for a few months less than I have, still seems to have no idea what they pay him for.

Chipper Manager: Rarely seen in the evening shift, exceptionally nosey about EVERYTHING in the employees' personal lives. Damn good worker.

Kickass Manager: Big boss who demands 100%. Also encourages lazing around and goofing off after the work is done. If executed properly, all work can be finished with time to spare. Kickass manager likes down time, and encourages workers to get shit done so they can goof off.

The Deli Divas:

The Paminator: Deli manager and single most effective employee in the store. Does part time duty in the store area, often finishes your job just as you've realized it has to be done. Comes early, stays late, saves everyone's sanity. No one dislikes the Paminator.

Cavalry: Deli veteran who was called in to resume her role after a series of hiring disasters left the deli short staffed. Damn good at her job, currently pulling double-duty in Deli and Store.

All Smiles: Relatively recent hire, never in a bad mood, efficient worker and a quick hand at dishes.

Drama Queen: Hired around the same time as All Smiles. Very poor at her job, finds insults wherever she can, constantly tries to stir up tension and loves to ask me whether or not I've slept with my boyfriend yet.*

Enigma: Works mornings, so I rarely see her. I know next to nothing about her.


So there you have it. My cast. Don't you wish you had my job?




*The answer, by the way, is nunya.