Minions, I am SO tired! My sleep schedule is FUCKED! I wake up late afternoon and I'm still too groggy to function. Blaaaaaarg!
But, be that as it may, Cheeky Lotus posted a new blog post and I will not be outdone even though I have nothing to say that isn't simpering about my relationship or complaining about work.
But wait! I have dogs! Kilo is now 75 lbs, Maddie has arthritis in her back legs, and they're the only dogs I know who get their dinner with a side dish.
I also have a nephew! Who...I only saw twice since he got out of the hospital. Apparently he's gaining weight like it's his job and also he is adorable. Somewhere in this house there exists a USB to connect the digital camera to Hugh. One day, I may find it. I promise nothing!
I have a GRRRR! Because my boyfriend is an annoyingly good guy who actually posesses a work ethic. The result? The only chance I have to see him is Monday night because all the other days of the week he's at one of his two jobs and RAWRDONOTWANTRAWR!!!
And I have a reccomendation! If you're not reading Jeph Jacques' webcomic Questionable Content, you really, really should. It's AWESOME, but don't read it if you have somewhere to be because it's nearly 2000 pages long and addictive as hell!
That's all I can think of, so... please enjoy this condensed awesome:
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
This. Means. WAR!
Last year, it was fruit flies.
This year, it's motherfucking ANTS!
This Job has been invaded, invaded I say, by six-legged demons from the spawning pits of Hell!
I was sweeping up the sprinkles and nuts behind the register when I noticed some of the chocolate sprinkles seemed to be moving.
Okay...a lot of them were moving...and segmented...and were way smaller than chocolate sprinkles should be and HOLY CRAP ANTS! ANTS IN MY STORE! DIE! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!!!
So I called the store manager to see if this development merited a freak-out. Kickass Manager was peeved, but not freaked, and suggested that we should sweep and mop behind the counters more often than once a week (maybe) like it says on the list.
Well, being the daughter of Mum, a.k.a. "She who vacuums up lady bugs with extreme prejudice." I snatched up the broom, sent Depressive to fetch the mop, and attacked. Sadly, there were stupid ice cream customers and I couldn't pull out the far counter for a good ten minutes. When they finally went away I swept every inch of exposed floor and swabbed like a shanghaied cabin boy staring down the business end of a flintlock.
I want those ants DEAD! No way in Hell am I gonna be responsible for the mass poisoning of This Job customers. I may hate their greedy, self-absorbed asses, but I will not be the one to whom the CDC traces the epidemic.
Oh, yeah, I'm so about to become my coworkers' worst nightmare.
This year, it's motherfucking ANTS!
This Job has been invaded, invaded I say, by six-legged demons from the spawning pits of Hell!
I was sweeping up the sprinkles and nuts behind the register when I noticed some of the chocolate sprinkles seemed to be moving.
Okay...a lot of them were moving...and segmented...and were way smaller than chocolate sprinkles should be and HOLY CRAP ANTS! ANTS IN MY STORE! DIE! DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!!!
So I called the store manager to see if this development merited a freak-out. Kickass Manager was peeved, but not freaked, and suggested that we should sweep and mop behind the counters more often than once a week (maybe) like it says on the list.
Well, being the daughter of Mum, a.k.a. "She who vacuums up lady bugs with extreme prejudice." I snatched up the broom, sent Depressive to fetch the mop, and attacked. Sadly, there were stupid ice cream customers and I couldn't pull out the far counter for a good ten minutes. When they finally went away I swept every inch of exposed floor and swabbed like a shanghaied cabin boy staring down the business end of a flintlock.
I want those ants DEAD! No way in Hell am I gonna be responsible for the mass poisoning of This Job customers. I may hate their greedy, self-absorbed asses, but I will not be the one to whom the CDC traces the epidemic.
Oh, yeah, I'm so about to become my coworkers' worst nightmare.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Ladies and Gentlemen: Your Cast!
As promised, the cast list of my misadventures at This Job:
The Store Stock Players:
Aspiring Actor Lacking Work Ethic: Red-headed 21-year-old with a Captain America belt buckle and an aversion to doing his job.
Depressive-Depressive: Slow speaking high school student with a daily quota for suicidal/homicidal comments. Often expresses wishes to blow up the Earth. Has twice electrocuted himself.
Efficient Veteran: Bespectacled savior who works whenever school is out of session. The days when Veteran is away at college are the darkest days of my life.
Brudda-Brudda: Brother of Veteran, newest hire, very little is known of this employee.
DevilSpawn: Redheaded sixteen-year-old demon child, formerly the ice cream girl, currently the biggest pain in the ass ever to darken my shift. Aspiring Actor ignores his work, DevilSpawn resents hers, and will do anything, up to and including blatant refusal citing "hangover", to get out of doing it.
Kiddo: Current ice cream girl. Fifteen years old and carrying some odd form of hero admiration for me. Weird.
Lummox: Thick limbed employee currently doubling in the Deli section, notable as the only male on the Deli payrole. Has been at This Job for a few months less than I have, still seems to have no idea what they pay him for.
Chipper Manager: Rarely seen in the evening shift, exceptionally nosey about EVERYTHING in the employees' personal lives. Damn good worker.
Kickass Manager: Big boss who demands 100%. Also encourages lazing around and goofing off after the work is done. If executed properly, all work can be finished with time to spare. Kickass manager likes down time, and encourages workers to get shit done so they can goof off.
The Deli Divas:
The Paminator: Deli manager and single most effective employee in the store. Does part time duty in the store area, often finishes your job just as you've realized it has to be done. Comes early, stays late, saves everyone's sanity. No one dislikes the Paminator.
Cavalry: Deli veteran who was called in to resume her role after a series of hiring disasters left the deli short staffed. Damn good at her job, currently pulling double-duty in Deli and Store.
All Smiles: Relatively recent hire, never in a bad mood, efficient worker and a quick hand at dishes.
Drama Queen: Hired around the same time as All Smiles. Very poor at her job, finds insults wherever she can, constantly tries to stir up tension and loves to ask me whether or not I've slept with my boyfriend yet.*
Enigma: Works mornings, so I rarely see her. I know next to nothing about her.
So there you have it. My cast. Don't you wish you had my job?
*The answer, by the way, is nunya.
The Store Stock Players:
Aspiring Actor Lacking Work Ethic: Red-headed 21-year-old with a Captain America belt buckle and an aversion to doing his job.
Depressive-Depressive: Slow speaking high school student with a daily quota for suicidal/homicidal comments. Often expresses wishes to blow up the Earth. Has twice electrocuted himself.
Efficient Veteran: Bespectacled savior who works whenever school is out of session. The days when Veteran is away at college are the darkest days of my life.
Brudda-Brudda: Brother of Veteran, newest hire, very little is known of this employee.
DevilSpawn: Redheaded sixteen-year-old demon child, formerly the ice cream girl, currently the biggest pain in the ass ever to darken my shift. Aspiring Actor ignores his work, DevilSpawn resents hers, and will do anything, up to and including blatant refusal citing "hangover", to get out of doing it.
Kiddo: Current ice cream girl. Fifteen years old and carrying some odd form of hero admiration for me. Weird.
Lummox: Thick limbed employee currently doubling in the Deli section, notable as the only male on the Deli payrole. Has been at This Job for a few months less than I have, still seems to have no idea what they pay him for.
Chipper Manager: Rarely seen in the evening shift, exceptionally nosey about EVERYTHING in the employees' personal lives. Damn good worker.
Kickass Manager: Big boss who demands 100%. Also encourages lazing around and goofing off after the work is done. If executed properly, all work can be finished with time to spare. Kickass manager likes down time, and encourages workers to get shit done so they can goof off.
The Deli Divas:
The Paminator: Deli manager and single most effective employee in the store. Does part time duty in the store area, often finishes your job just as you've realized it has to be done. Comes early, stays late, saves everyone's sanity. No one dislikes the Paminator.
Cavalry: Deli veteran who was called in to resume her role after a series of hiring disasters left the deli short staffed. Damn good at her job, currently pulling double-duty in Deli and Store.
All Smiles: Relatively recent hire, never in a bad mood, efficient worker and a quick hand at dishes.
Drama Queen: Hired around the same time as All Smiles. Very poor at her job, finds insults wherever she can, constantly tries to stir up tension and loves to ask me whether or not I've slept with my boyfriend yet.*
Enigma: Works mornings, so I rarely see her. I know next to nothing about her.
So there you have it. My cast. Don't you wish you had my job?
*The answer, by the way, is nunya.
So That Worked...
Apparently ya'll liked my blog about my inept coworkers. (And by "ya'll" I mean one person who was all agog.) So after I, y'know, sleep, I'll post a cast list, showing you all my coworkers in their moronic glory.
...okay that's not fair, some of them actually rock. Like The Paminator. But more on her later.
Also, from now on all This Job posts on this blog will be equipped with TJ-Stoopid tags for ease of access. See below.
That is all.
...okay that's not fair, some of them actually rock. Like The Paminator. But more on her later.
Also, from now on all This Job posts on this blog will be equipped with TJ-Stoopid tags for ease of access. See below.
That is all.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Reflections on This Job
My headache, let me show it to you.
Okay, so the deal is this: there are certain co-workers at This Job who rock. Unfortunately, they are the minority. Tonight (actually last night, because my schedule is evil) I was working with...none of them. Not kick-ass manager, not chipper manager, not efficient veteran guy, none of them. I did have the one and only Paminator, also known as the savior of sanity, but she was busy commanding the troops in the deli section. On my side, I was stuck with depressive-depressive dude, and aspiring actor lacking work ethic. One day I might give these people better nicknames, but I doubt it.
See, depressive-depressive can't be trusted to do anything without constant supervision, because there's always the possibility he'll electrocute himself...again.
Aspiring actor lacking work ethic can't be trusted to do anything period. A surefire way to make sure something never gets done is to ask Aspiring Actor to do it. I dread the day a director has to work with this guy. If it weren't for the Deli Divas like Paminator, I'd never get anything done.
See, here's how it works. I get to work, and nothing is done. The list of tasks for the day is empty and there's a line of assho-I mean customers-extending a country mile. Both registers are occupied and there are, blessedly, no ice-cream morons at the window. I get to work, cleaning and stocking and trying to organize something approaching order in the store. I get stuff done as far ahead of time as I can, and then the rush starts.
The problem is, the rush is entirely unpredictable. Sometimes it coincides with rush hour, other times it's around 8, sometimes it's more like 7 or 6:30, and it SUCKS! Anything I don't get done before the rush hits doesn't get done at all. And the reason is this:
AA: Danielle!
DD: Danielle!
AA: Danielle, you've got register!
DD: Danielle, can you come here?
And on...and on...and on. If Aspiring Actor isn't disappearing into the back of the store, Deppressive-Depressive is spending his entire shift doing dishes. It's like working by myself! And the constant complaining and OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU STANDING AROUND BEHIND THE REGISTER WHEN THE COFFEE ISLAND NEEDS TO BE STOCKED RIGHT THE FUCK NOW?!?!?!
I am so sick of babysitting these guys. I feel bad for Veteran, 'cause he's closing with Aspiring Actor tomorrow and I'm out at 10:00. I can do my best to get as much done as possible before they have to close, but Friday night is Hell Shift and there'll be way too many customers wanting ice cream to get much accomplished.
I fucking hate retail.
Okay, so the deal is this: there are certain co-workers at This Job who rock. Unfortunately, they are the minority. Tonight (actually last night, because my schedule is evil) I was working with...none of them. Not kick-ass manager, not chipper manager, not efficient veteran guy, none of them. I did have the one and only Paminator, also known as the savior of sanity, but she was busy commanding the troops in the deli section. On my side, I was stuck with depressive-depressive dude, and aspiring actor lacking work ethic. One day I might give these people better nicknames, but I doubt it.
See, depressive-depressive can't be trusted to do anything without constant supervision, because there's always the possibility he'll electrocute himself...again.
Aspiring actor lacking work ethic can't be trusted to do anything period. A surefire way to make sure something never gets done is to ask Aspiring Actor to do it. I dread the day a director has to work with this guy. If it weren't for the Deli Divas like Paminator, I'd never get anything done.
See, here's how it works. I get to work, and nothing is done. The list of tasks for the day is empty and there's a line of assho-I mean customers-extending a country mile. Both registers are occupied and there are, blessedly, no ice-cream morons at the window. I get to work, cleaning and stocking and trying to organize something approaching order in the store. I get stuff done as far ahead of time as I can, and then the rush starts.
The problem is, the rush is entirely unpredictable. Sometimes it coincides with rush hour, other times it's around 8, sometimes it's more like 7 or 6:30, and it SUCKS! Anything I don't get done before the rush hits doesn't get done at all. And the reason is this:
AA: Danielle!
DD: Danielle!
AA: Danielle, you've got register!
DD: Danielle, can you come here?
And on...and on...and on. If Aspiring Actor isn't disappearing into the back of the store, Deppressive-Depressive is spending his entire shift doing dishes. It's like working by myself! And the constant complaining and OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU STANDING AROUND BEHIND THE REGISTER WHEN THE COFFEE ISLAND NEEDS TO BE STOCKED RIGHT THE FUCK NOW?!?!?!
I am so sick of babysitting these guys. I feel bad for Veteran, 'cause he's closing with Aspiring Actor tomorrow and I'm out at 10:00. I can do my best to get as much done as possible before they have to close, but Friday night is Hell Shift and there'll be way too many customers wanting ice cream to get much accomplished.
I fucking hate retail.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Thank Lena
My return to posting is all her fault.
That and the fact that I'm in a relationship now. Which makes me wax prosaic.
Anyway, the trip to OKC was great, and Neña is still awesome, and I kinda miss Braums. Alas, I must bid adieu to affordable, quality hamburgers.
But moving on, being back with boyshapedthing has made me go kinda wonky...again. He has that effect. And I tend to see things differently. I'm wondering if anyone else had this sort of revelation or whatever when they first started exploring the world of romance.
The thing is, I watch TV and movies differently. Love scenes, kissing scenes, even just moments where a couple is having a private conversation all feel different than they did before. This is...weird. And I'd kind of like it to stop because it's threatening to break the wall separating me from the program and I like that wall. That wall allows me to feel all superior and omniscient.
So I'm bringing back the old LadyG's Minion Q segment.
Minion Q: Did you notice any strange changes in yourself after entering your first relationship? A new worldview, suddenly getting jokes you never quite understood before, that kind of thing? I realize I may be asking some of you to dust off a few mental cobwebs, but go ahead and give it a shot.
LadyG's A: You pretty much got it from the post. The TV thing is odd. But I've also noticed an irritating tendency to reference my boyfriend way too often. For this, I sincerely apologize. Especially to Neña, who had to put up with it all last week. Trust me, everyone, I'm annoying myself just as much.
That and the fact that I'm in a relationship now. Which makes me wax prosaic.
Anyway, the trip to OKC was great, and Neña is still awesome, and I kinda miss Braums. Alas, I must bid adieu to affordable, quality hamburgers.
But moving on, being back with boyshapedthing has made me go kinda wonky...again. He has that effect. And I tend to see things differently. I'm wondering if anyone else had this sort of revelation or whatever when they first started exploring the world of romance.
The thing is, I watch TV and movies differently. Love scenes, kissing scenes, even just moments where a couple is having a private conversation all feel different than they did before. This is...weird. And I'd kind of like it to stop because it's threatening to break the wall separating me from the program and I like that wall. That wall allows me to feel all superior and omniscient.
So I'm bringing back the old LadyG's Minion Q segment.
Minion Q: Did you notice any strange changes in yourself after entering your first relationship? A new worldview, suddenly getting jokes you never quite understood before, that kind of thing? I realize I may be asking some of you to dust off a few mental cobwebs, but go ahead and give it a shot.
LadyG's A: You pretty much got it from the post. The TV thing is odd. But I've also noticed an irritating tendency to reference my boyfriend way too often. For this, I sincerely apologize. Especially to Neña, who had to put up with it all last week. Trust me, everyone, I'm annoying myself just as much.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Reporting From the Trenches
I've been in OKC for about three days now, and I've discovered a few things.
Like, for instance, a chain of burger joints which sells, entirely unironically, a "bag of burgers". Yeah. I thought so too.
But there are considerations I've been making about my future and whether or not I can live here. Such as:
-Oklahoma has no AIR. It's so sweltering hot here I can't breathe.
-Traffic here is insane. Every time N. merges I hear the Grim Reaper sharpening his scythe.
-People here use the phrase "Thank you kindly" and they aren't being sarcastic!
-It's flat here. There aren't a lot of gradients in the ground. I'm from hill country, I get nervous without inclines.
-It's bright. I'm used to living where streetlights dare not go, and in the city every night is a smorgasboard of ambient light.
Even aside from all that, being here has made me acutely aware of the distance between me an the people I love. So even though I'm having a good time, and even though I love Athena dearly, I'll be glad to go home and see my life again. And while I definitely intend to come back, I honestly don't think I could live here. I'm a New Yorker. It's who I am.
Like, for instance, a chain of burger joints which sells, entirely unironically, a "bag of burgers". Yeah. I thought so too.
But there are considerations I've been making about my future and whether or not I can live here. Such as:
-Oklahoma has no AIR. It's so sweltering hot here I can't breathe.
-Traffic here is insane. Every time N. merges I hear the Grim Reaper sharpening his scythe.
-People here use the phrase "Thank you kindly" and they aren't being sarcastic!
-It's flat here. There aren't a lot of gradients in the ground. I'm from hill country, I get nervous without inclines.
-It's bright. I'm used to living where streetlights dare not go, and in the city every night is a smorgasboard of ambient light.
Even aside from all that, being here has made me acutely aware of the distance between me an the people I love. So even though I'm having a good time, and even though I love Athena dearly, I'll be glad to go home and see my life again. And while I definitely intend to come back, I honestly don't think I could live here. I'm a New Yorker. It's who I am.
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